From: Netvort@aol.com
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2004 2:15 AM
To: JoshHoff@aol.com
Subject: Netvort : parshas Acharei Mos - Kedoshim, 5764





                                      To Love Not Wisely but Too Well


                     By Rabbi Joshua (wisely known as The Hoffer) Hoffman


In parshas Kedoshim we are commanded to fear, or revere, our parents (Vayikra, 19:3). Honoring one's parents was included among the Ten Commandments, or Decalogue, in parshas Yisro. However, it seems that we do not find spelled out in the Torah a mitzvoh to love one's parents. Is there, indeed, such a mitzvoh? If there is not, we need to understand why this is so, and if there is, we need to understand why it is not spelled out explicitly in the Torah. Professor Gerald Blidstein, in his volume, Honor Thy Father and Mother : Filial Responsibility in Jewish Law and Ethics, presents a survey of opinion among medieval and later halachic authorities on this topic, ranging from the Rambam (1135-1204), on one end of the spectrum, to Rabbi Eliezer Azikri (1533-1600), author of Sefer Chareidim, and, in his wake, Rabbi Avrohom Danzig (1748-1820), in his Chayei Adam, on the other end.

The Rambam, in his letter to the convert, or ger, Ovadiah, writes that the Torah commands us to honor and revere our parents and it is possible for a person to honor and revere someone whom he doesn't love. However, continues the Rambam, in regard to the ger, we are commanded to love him with a great, heartfelt love, much as we are commanded to love God. It should be noted that the Rambam here is in consonance with his approach to the general mitzvoh of "Love your friend as yourself," (Vayikra 19:18) which is also found in parshas Kedoshim. This mitzvoh, according to the Rambam, translates into actions - calling on us to do acts of loving - kindness for our fellow Jew - rather than into feelings, as it does according to the Ramban. The end result of these actions, according to Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik, z"l, is to lead to an internal feeling of love, which constitutes the essence of the mitzvoh. Still, in practical terms, this feeling of love is accomplished through actions. However, says the Rambam, in regard to the convert, there is a separate mitzvoh, beyond the general mitzvoh to love a Jew, to love the convert internally. This special mitzvoh, which is over and above the general mitzvoh, does not apply to parents, according to the Rambam.

 In contrast to the Rambam, Rabbi Eliezer Azikri, in his Sefer Charedim (1:36), adduces proof that one must love his parents internally, as an adjunct of the mitzvoh to honor them. Rabbi Danzig, in his Chayei Adam, in writing of one's obligation to parents, basically paraphrases the Sefer Charedim. He writes that, of course, the general mitzvoh to love one's friend obligates one to love his parents, as well. However, our obligation to parents goes beyond the general one. He notes that according to the Zohar the love of one's parents is compared to the love of God, and one must love his parents more than he loves himself. Although not mentioned by  Professor Blidstein, we find a similar opinion offered by Rabbi Meir Eisenstadt (1670- 1744) in his book of Responsa, Ponim Meiros (2:35), in connection with the Talmudic passage found in Bava Kamma 41b and several other locations, which records that Shimon Haamsoni derived specific laws from each instance in which the word 'es' appears, in a command recorded in the Torah, for no apparent reason, but could not apply his system of interpretation to the verse "Fear the Lord." Rabbi Akiva, however, expounded the word, in that instance, to mean that torah scholars should be feared - or revered - as well. Ponim Meiros notes, as did the Maharsha before him, that Rabbi Shimon seemingly had no problem with the word 'es' that appears in the verse commanding us to love God. The reason for this, says the Ponim Meiros, is that Rabbi Shimon understood the word to include parents in the mitzvoh of love for God. Ostensibly, this opinion seems to make great sense and, so we need to understand why, according to the Rambam, there is, in fact, no specific mitzvoh to love one's parents. Even according to the Zohar, Charedim, Ponim Meiros and Chayei Adam, who all say that there is a specific obligation to love one's parents over and above the general mitzvoh of loving one's fellow Jew, why this mitzvoh is not spelled out in the Torah. I believe that recent events can help provide an answer to these questions.


The Talmud (Yoma 36b), in discussing the confession of sins made during the Yom Kippur service, cites the verse in Tehillim (106:6), "We have sinned with our fathers, we have caused iniquity and wickedness." The Talmud derives from this verse that we need to incorporate the sins of our fathers in the confession of sins that we make. Indeed, in the text of the vidui that we recite on fast days and in the petitionary prayers, or selichos, that we say before Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we say"we and our fathers have sinned." My teacher, Rav Aharon Soloveichik, zt"l, often emphasized the need to recognize the need to recognize that, sometimes, our parents made mistakes. The Maharsha, in his commentary to that Talmudic passage, points out that the term for sin used in the verse cited by the Talmud in connection with the sins of our fathers is 'chatanu,' which refers to sins committed by mistake, as 'shogeig, whereas our own sins are referred to in stronger terms. Although Maharsha points this out for a different reason,   we can add that even when acknowledging that our fathers sometimes committed sins, we must judge them favorably and look at these failings as inadverdant mistakes. Still, we need to recognize these mistakes, and not incorporate them into our own lifestyle.

In regard to reverence of parents, the Talmud derives, from the juxtaposition of the command to fear one's parents and the mitzvoh to observe the Shabbos (Vayikra 19:3), that if one's parent commands him to violate a Shabbos law, he must not obey. This is taken as a general principle in halacha, teaching us that, with all the honor and reverence we owe our parents, the observance of God's law takes precedence. Perhaps, then, if the Torah had spelled out a special requirement to love one's parents, over and above the love one needs to show a fellow Jew, the verse in Mishlei (10:2), " Love covers over all sins," may have been activated in our minds, and we would have found it difficult to 'love wisely,' and reject those negative aspects of our parents' behavior and mindset that should not be adapted into our own lives. This factor comes out most strongly in Rabbi Eisenstadt's approach to the mitzvoh of loving one's parents, according to which, as we have seen, this mitzvoh is an adjunct of life. Following this approach, love of parents cannot contradict love of God, just as the mitzvoh of fearing parents does not override any mitzvoh of the Torah. In this regard, it is appropriate to mention the remark of a comedian who is currently performing in New York, that Mel Gibson is an example of what happens when someone loves his parents. He was referring to the fact that Gibson's father is notorious as an anti-Semite and as a Holocaust denier. When asked about his father's opinion regarding the Holocaust and whether he agreed with him, Gibson answered that his father never lied to him.This is a prime example of failing to recognize a parent's mistakes. There is, of course, a need to love one's parents, but this love must be informed by our obligations to God, and not lead us to forget our purpose in life.  



Please address all correspondence to the author (Rabbi Hoffman) with the following address - JoshHoff @ AOL.com.

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