Netvort Parshas Terumah 5772:           THE SILENT TREATMENT

By Rabbi Joshua (inaudibly known as the Hoffer) Hoffman

 

The Ramban, in his introduction to the book of Shemos, calls it the Book of Exile and Redemption, because the redemption of the Jewish people was not complete until they returned to their former state, in which the divine presence hovered over the tents of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs. They achieved this level of holiness with the completion of the Mishkan, when the divine presence came to dwell there, as described at the end of Parshas Pekudei. That is why the entire book is called the Book of Exile and Redemption, since it describes the movement from one to the other, in a complete way.

 

The dwelling of the divine presence over the tents of our forbearers that is mentioned by the Ramban is a description of the tents of Avrohom and Sarah, and subsequently, of Yitzchok and Rivkah, as the Ramban himself alludes to in his comments. The Mishkan was to serve as the recreation of that state. According to the Ibn Ezra, the Mishkan represents a household, with all the basic elements needed in it, for example a table and a lamp. Taking the Ramban and Ibn Ezra together, we are being told that a Jewish home must be built in a way that brings the divine presence. It follows that a Jewish marriage must also be conducted in this manner. On a wider scale, this equally applies to the relationship between each individual Jew and G-d, and also between the Jewish people and G-d. This last relationship is referred to in many Biblical and Rabbinic sources as a marriage. In terms of the relationship between the individual and G-d, the Rambam writes in his Laws of Repentance (10:3) that the love that a person has for G-d should be similar to the love he has for a woman on whom his mind is constantly focused. The entire book of Shir HaShirim, says the Rambam, is an allegory representing this relationship. It would, therefore, be instructive to examine some of the features of the Mishkan that reflect the elements of a successful marriage, and that serve as a model for our relationship with G-d as well on both an individual and collective level.

 

A central element of a Jewish household that is reflected in the construction of the Mishkan is that of chesed, or acts of kindness. The Jewish home that was most distinguished in this regard was that of Avrohom and Sarah. Avrohom, the Torah tells us, set up an eishel, which is either a fruit-orchard or an inn, to service wayfarers with sustenance. The wood from this eishel, according to a Midrash cited in Targum Yonatan ben Uziel, was used in the making of the beriach ha’tichon, the central bar which pierced through the middle of the boards that formed the walls of the Mishkan on three sides – north, south, and west. This bar, says the Midrash, miraculously snaked around the three sides of the Mishkan, each of which was on a ninety-degree angle to the next one. The glue that held the Mishkan together, then, was chesed. Avrohom and Sarah built together the kind of household that was held together by chesed, and in the Mishkan this model was brought back to the Jewish people. In order to build such a household, each spouse needs to practice chesed towards the other. This is accomplished when each spouse focuses on the needs of the other, asking not what the spouse can do for him but what he can do for his spouse. This attitude in a relationship, says R’ Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev in his Kedushas Levi, applies between G-d and the Jewish people. He points out that while the Jewish people refer to the festival of redemption as Pesach or Passover, to note G-d’s miraculous passing over the houses of the Israelites during the plague of the slaying of the first born, the Torah always refers to this holiday as the Festival of Matzoh. G-d in His Torah praises the Jews for leaving Egypt before their dough was able to rise, while the Jew’s praise G-d for miraculously saving them by passing over their houses. This kind of relationship, says R’ Levi Yitzchak, is reflected in a verse in Shir HaShirim (6:3) which says: “I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me.” This relationship of give and take built on each partner bestowing love and kindness on the other is the deeper meaning behind the verse in Parshas Terumah. G-d tells the people to ‘take a contribution for Him’ for the construction of the Mishkan. Actually, we would expect the word ‘give’ to be used for the contribution. The idea, however, is that by giving to the other, one is actually gaining in the relationship in which he is a participant. This process of constant give and take is critical in a good marriage, and by extension, to the relationship between man and G-d, as well as the relationship between the Jewish people and G-d.

 

Another feature of the Mishkan that is reflective of the relationship between spouses, and of our relationship with G-d, is that of the keruvim, the two cherubs that sat atop the aron, the ark. The aron encased the tablets of the Torah which is what endowed the Mishkan with its holiness. According to one opinion in the Talmud, these keruvim were in the form of a man and a woman, which reflected the loving relationship between G-d and the Jewish people. It is interesting to note, that G-d communicated with Moshe, not from atop the keruvim, but rather from the space between them. I recently heard from Mrs. Aliza Dannon-Kaplan, director of Religious Affairs at the Hebrew Home of Riverdale, that this is, in general, G-d’s way of communicating with man, through a still small voice, as we find in his communication with Eliyahu as recorded in the book of Kings (see the Haftarah for Parshas Pinchas). In a marriage as well, when a couple is very close, they become united and are able to communicate in silence, without speaking any words. The holiness of the aron, then, is expressed in a still manner, reflecting the kind of communication that exists between spouses in a successful marriage.

 

The elements of chesed and holiness, so essential for successful relationships, are brought out by the terms that are used in reference to a groom. The Talmud (Moed Katan 28b) says that a groom is comparable to the Kohein Gadol, the High Priest, while the Midrash (Pirkei d’Rebbi Eliezer, cited by Tosafos there) says that he is comparable to a king. My teacher, Rav Aharon Soloveichik zt”l, would often point out that the major task of a king is to serve the people, which entails constant acts of chesed, while the main task of the Kohein Gadol is to bring out the holiness of the Mishkan, as occurs most intensely on Yom HaKippurim, when he enters the Holy of Holies and places the incense in front of the aron as a silent offering to G-d. Rav Aharon explained that we call the groom by these names to impress upon him the need to exercise these two important elements of chesed and holiness in the development of his relationship with his wife and the consequent building of their home.