Netvort Parshas Ki Seitzei 5771:             First Impressions

By Rabbi Joshua (impressionably known as the Hoffer) Hoffman

 

Parshas Ki Seitzei begins with the laws of the yefas toar, the beautiful woman taken captive in war, who is desired by a Jewish soldier. The Torah permits her to him, but only after she undergoes a series of actions, as described in the Torah. Rashi comments that idolaters used to adorn their daughters and send them out with the army, in order to entice the enemy soldiers and engage in promiscuous activity with them. This is how the Jewish soldier ended up being attracted to her, because of the way she presented herself initially. Therefore these actions which she is enjoined to do, such as changing from her decorative clothing into more simple attire, are meant to make her repulsive in the eyes of the soldier, so that he will lose interest in taking her for himself, because, although she is permitted to him, such a marriage will lead to bad things. One of the requirements placed on the woman before she can marry the soldier is that she mourns for her father and mother for a period of one month. The Ramban, however, mentions a number of other reasons, which give us a deeper insight into the process of the yefas toar, and the Torah's insight into the human personality.

 

The Ramban mentions that, according to the rabbis, it is not the actual father and mother who the captive woman cries for, but the idolatry which she served, which was, in a sense, her family. Unlike what happens in the usual conversion process, says the Ramban, this process is forced upon the woman, and human nature requires, in such circumstances, a period of adjustment. The Torah took this into consideration, and gave the woman time to mourn over the loss of her previous lifestyle, so that she could then fit in to her newstatus in life. According to the Ramban, then, the mourning period isprescribed out of consideration for the captive woman's emotional needs. The Ramban also quotes the Ibn Ezra, who says that the mourning period is for the woman's actual parents, who were probably killed in the war, and it is a natural thing for all human beings to mourn the loss of their parents. Ramban disagrees with this interpretation, because there is no indication in the Torah that her parents died in the war, and, we may add, there is certainly no requirement for this to have happened in order forthe laws of yefas toar to apply.In any case, the Ibn Ezra says that we are dealing with the loss of the woman's actual parents, and, like the Ramban,he is saying that theTorah, by prescribing a period of mourning, is taking into consideration the woman's emotional needs, since it is natural for most people to undergo a period of mourning upon the loss of their loved ones.

 

I would like to suggest that the period of mourning prescribed by the Torah for the captive woman, can be best understood by combiningboth explanations, of Ramban and Ibn Ezra, on one hand, and of Rashi, on the other. While partly meant to allow for the woman's emotional needs,the mourning period is also meant, as Rashi says, to discourage the soldier from marrying this woman, but in a different way from that which Rashi mentions. When the soldier first saw the woman, he was attracted to her solely out of a physical, carnal attraction, and that is what led him to want to marry her. This happened in the midst of a war, when the physical aspects of life are paramount. In effect, the soldier looks at this woman as an object to be used for his own physical gratification. Since this was his first impression of her, it will always be the one that isuppermostin his mind. The Torah therefore takes the woman's emotional needs into consideration and has her mourn for her parents, so that the soldier will begin to realize that this woman is not a mere object, but a living, breathing human being, with emotional and spiritual needs just as every other normal human being. Realizing that, because of his initial impression of her, he will not be able to deal with her on this level,he will understand that marriage to her is doomed to failure, as the Talmud and Midrash teach us, and, thus, he will, ultimately abandon his plan to go through with the marriage.